Vivid Dreams

So I just had a really strange dream. It centered around me being a nude model and just kind of took off.

It starts with me and Jenna and Bryna all standing in our underwear in a really huge bathroom, trying to decide who gets which shelf in a cupboard there. There is well over 300 shelves, but we only get one shelf eachofor some reason. Anyway, I pick one and put all my undies in there, including the ones that I was wearing. Jenna and Bryna keep their clothes on. All of a sudden, this guy I met in res last year who was 29, and some big black guy that I don't know were in that bathroom. Jenna was really embarassed and threw her clothes on and slammed the cupboard shut. Anyway, then the guy from res came up to me and told me I was the cooler twin, and tried to kiss me. He was wearing red lipstick... :S Anyway I shoved him away but not before he put his red lipstick on my lips. I was horrified that me being naked was probably the cause of this. So I put a dress on.

Then all of a sudden I walked out and I was at this L.A. outdoor party. There was palm trees, and skyscrapers and glowing pools. I got really drunk and found a HUGE top hat. I wore it around, but there was alot of tables close together and I kept knocking things over. I don't remember drinking anything in the dream, but all of a sudden I was drunk. And I felt embarassed for myself for being so drunk and wrecking the tables. So I took off out of there, there was so much greenery all around the paths that connected the table part of the party, to the pool part, to the party part.. reminded me of a resort I was in in Panama. Anyway, I was feeling really drunk and I just wanted to find someone I knew, then I saw my friend Christian walking by, so I tried to run after him. I had just caught up with him when he told me I was too late, and disapeared.

So I felt rejected, just after feeling like the most desired nude model out there, and that was a huge drop I guess. I noticed these really skinny palm trees that grew as tall as the tallest sky scraper. Which happened to be right beside me. They were acutally tied to the sky scraper because they were so thin. If you touch the tips of your thumbs and pointer fingers together to make a circle, thats how thick they were all the way up. Anyway in my disapointment, I started climbing one of them. I climbed all the way to the top.. I didn't realize how high I had gotten until I was up there, and the top of the tower was only the size of a kitchen table. Then the tower started to wiggle, and the palm trees would just snap if I tried to grab them for support. I was losing balance fast. Just then, Bryna was walking by below, so I started yelling for her to get help. I just wanted to get down. She said she would call the fire department, but I said it was no use- I was going to fall before they even started their trucks! I got increasingly tipsy until, at the very last moment, I spotted a pool on the ground, I fell off the tower, aiming for the pool, and landed safely in the four feet of water. Haha. But my dress was soaked and fell off as soon as I got out. No one was around.

I went back to the party where I ran into some of my friends that I haven't seen since jr. high. They all turned into dream douchebags. I kept looking for Christian, but he was nowhere to be seen. Bryna had gone too. So I was walking along a path when a really rubby car pulled up, there was a girl in front of me who was heavier set (I think I saw her in real life on the bus this afternoon). A man got out of the car with a jug of liquid and a cloth. He dumped some on the cloth and asked the big girl not to smell it. He shoved it in her face, and she collapsed. Then he put her in the back of his car and started to drive away. I'm happy to report that Dream Jory did the right thing and chased him down, I opened up the back and he slammed on the breaks. I started pulling the lifeless girl out of the back, and he came to fight me off. I was really scared that he would touch me, he was really really greasy and for some reason that really scared me lol. A cop drove slowly by and I screamed at him for help, but when he got out, he just said that the guy was all good and to not bother. I was screaming at him that he chloroformed her, but cop wouldnt listen.

The dream ended with me, pulling an army-coloured rifle out of a near by bush and pointing it at the rapist. He must have known that I would never pull the trigger because the last thing I remember before waking up was his shot gun pointed at my head, as we stood in a stand still - both at gun point, fighting for a complete stranger who didn't even know what was happening.

SO yea. That was a dream that I had. I remember it really vividly, I still feel really shooked up from both the tower-fall and the drug-rape-attempt.
I'm trying to piece together why each of these things appeared in my dream, but its harder than it seems. Lol

Life of Di. (Being a Twin 101)

Being a twin has it's ups and downs. A definite up is that you have a very easy and obvious topic of conversation to use with strangers (you never bring it up yourself though). A definite down is that this conversation gets overused and abused again and again. Another up is that I have had this convo so many times that I now know what kind of responses work best on different kinds of people, and when it's appropriate, and I can tell a line at the perfect moment, making me seem incredibly witty/funny/charming ect. When in reality, it's taken years of practice to craft these perfectly timed and toned responses. A down is having to refrain from saying "Yep, definitely heard all of your twin one liners before." when someone thinks they've made a funny. Instead I just politely laugh and try to come back at them with something witty.

Here is a quick off-the-top-of-my-head compilation of the most common phrases people have to say to us.
*note that when I say "HAHAHA" I'm mocking the *funny-ness* of it. HAHAHA

1.) I wish I was a twin/I always wanted a twin when I was growing up!

2.) What's it like being a twin?

3.) Can you guys read eachothers minds?

4.) Say happy birthday to Jenna for me! HAHAHA

5.) I'm SOOO SORRY! I FEEL TERRIBLE I CAN'T TELL WHICH ONE YOU ARE!! FORGIVE ME!
- and they say this every. single. time. I see them. (This one is by far the most annoying)

6.) Where's your better half? HAHAHA

7.) What's the best way to tell you guys apart?

8.) WHOAH! Are you guys twins?!

9.) I know a pair of twins! -or- My cousins are twins, they don't look as alike as you two though!

10.) You're the hotter one - shhh! HAHAHA *goes and says the same thing to Jenna...

Don't get me wrong, I don't despise or dislike when any of these things are said to me. It's made me very patient over the years, and I appreciate when people come out and just talk to me, because I love human interaction!

The best is when you hear something you've never heard before. Which doesn't happen very often. For example, a guy told me last night that he tells me and Jenna apart not by the shape of our faces, or our hair length or different piercings, but by the fact that her brow protrudes further than mine, and mines more flat against my face. Hahaha wtf

That all being said, I'm a total hypocrite because when I meet other twins I have a lot of the same questions as everyone asks me.

An old boyfriend told me that it's dangerous how close we are. And he was serious. He said something along the lines of "You guys need to start separating yourselves otherwise you will never learn to be independent." and basically he hit the nail in the head for that one, because I still fear the day that we part ways. But I know that day will never come. I mean sure we will lead separate lives and what not, but we're always gonna be best friends. And currently I only see her for about 2-3 hours a day. Which is way down from the 24-7 that we used to spend together.

While my ex had a negative mindset towards twinmanship (or whatever you wanna call it lol), I think it's been positive. Even when your closest "friends" bail on you, you're never completely alone. Giving you confidence to be independent knowing that you always have someone to fall back on. Plus it's easier to learn from her mistakes because basically if I was in her shoes, for 90% of the time I probably would have done the same thing as her. And seeing what does and doesn't work for her is a totally unfair advantage we have over singular people.

Anyway, I should get reading my book for english tomorrow.
HAHAHA

Moments in Movies

There's aways those moments in life when you feel like time stands still and the world actually revolves around you for a select moment. When you can hear music when reality is quiet. Movie Moments if you will.

Walking down the street towards a picture perfec sunset or

That's what this post is going to be about incase you haven't caught on yet. My inspiration for this write up goes way back to a classmates birthday in elementary school. I'm from a really small town, but we have a bowling alley! And to use this bowling alley, you have to rent out thte whole thing. It's only open when people rent it for special occasions. And then its private and you are trusted to keep the lanes, balls and pins in mint condition for the next user. Anyway, at the end of Bryns Bowling themes birthday, his parents decided that they just didnt care. So they turned on the Glo-Bowling (tm) lights so everything was under a black light. They also let us run free over the lanes, which is strictly forbidden so I'm not really sure why they let that happen. But it was glowy, and balloons were falling from every angle around me as I lept from lane to lane. I think there was some kind of music as well, but that is the earliest memory that I have that can be percieved as a "Movie Moment". I remember everything in slow motion and it was the coolest feeling ever.

There's also those times when you're taking a walk around town with headphones in and listening to really angry/sad music really REALLY loud. Haha I ususally put up my hood and walk as if I have something mysterious running through my head. I don't even try to - it just happens. Like I'm in my own little emo music video. The same thing happens when I'm in a really good mood and listening to happy music.

Movie moments. Right. Back to that.
Actually I might as well be in a movie moment right now. First day of classes after Christmas break, I've been in class since 8:30 this morning, up since 7. Now I have my first break of the day, my only break of the day until it's done. But I'm sitting in the food court at the bottom of Place. I can't really hear anything that's going on outside of my earphones. But Serisously people are broken up just like on Mean Girls. Twelve feet ahead of me theres a table of Asian girls. Immidiatly to my right theres a group of three gabby white girls, one redhead, one blonde and one brunette, but all equally as dumb-sounding. Then you have your inevitable loners scattered everywhere, taking up space that could be used by triple the amount of people, I'm in this group. Even as they're coming down the stairs you can pick our stereotypes. Cool asians, nerdy asians, the odd redneck, lots of city people, lots of moccosins, but oddly enough, they're ALL wearing jeans. Everyone within my range of sight is wearing jeans actually. If not 100%, then at least 98%.

Anyway this post is kinda dragging on and this mocha is killing my bladder haha ttyl!!!

Look at me! It's Christmas morning and I'm writing this blog on my new christmas present. A wireless keyboard that I connected to my iPhone!! :D It's exaclty what I asked for and my favrtie present. So functional.

I must have been almost bad this year because although my stocking wasnt stuffed with coal, it was pretty close. Christmas chocolates from dollarama. It tastes like coco on cardboard. Haha But I also got macadamia nuts from when mom went to Hawaii. That's pretty sweet.

Christmas is going pretty normal. I'm the first kid out of bed, although this year it wasnt til 9, whereas usually I'm up around 7. I didn't jump on my siblings to wake them up, although I did share an interesting dream with Jenna to wake her up. I guess since no one reads this it's pretty safe to tell it here. Basically it was one of Jennas friends who I have never met, but she talks about him all the time. Anyway, he was basically telling me how great it is to have sex on a bed of pine needles under a pine tree in the wide open spaces.. Then he told me it's even better if you colour some condoms to look like alien eyes and put them ever top of your eyes. Then I modeled some underwear and the dream was over. HAHAHA I'm not sure what crossed my mind yesterday to put such a weird scenario together.

I'm somewhat irritable this Christmas. Jenna keeps dissing me for no reason, and usually I'm pretty good at retaliating and being a good sport, but she's bringing them out of no where and they're not even witty, their just blunt - "You're such a hughe idiot all the time" ect ect. It's really wearing on my patience. And Gramma keeps hitting me. Usually she does this and it's just a little on the shoulder, but these are HARD hits. I'm not sure why she's doing it.

I'm sitting at the dining room table right now. Grammas sweeping the floor which is unnessesary because it was swept last night before we all went to bed, but I'm not gonna stop her. Grampas fiddling with the DVD player in the living room, which is just as confusing to him as when DVD's came out. The volume is repeatedly CRANKED UO and turned down, giving me a little headache actually. He's coughing quietly.

We had a big breakfast/brunch thing, now we're all packing up our gifts. Dad and Arlee are getting the quads ready for me and Jenna to take them down to the mancave which is where we will be spending the rest of the day. Me and Jenna quad down, everyone truck it down, taking all the gifts that go along. (Mancave: noun. - cabin we've been building all summer down at the lake. Yep! The same lake that hosts the Bible camp we "met" at Michael!) We're bringing cards and games, as well as some christmas cake and hot chocolate - and hopefully baileys.

Last night I was up late reading Mockingjay. Its the third book in the Hunger Games series. serisoulyn one of the best series of books I've ever read. Comparable to Harry Potter. But I doubt anything I ever read will trump that one.

I woke up to 14 Merry Christmas texts, which was nice. I decided to put my phone away for the rest of the day, once I'm dont this of course.

I'm staring at the candles on the table that me and arlee made a mess of last night. We've always been pretty bad for just destroying canldes once their wax is liquid. These candles were brand new. Were.

Hmmm what else has happened this Christmas? Besides seeing friends and family again, nothing really. There is not a whole lot of snow on the ground. The least I have ever seen for this time of year I think. But there's still more here than in Stoon. Where there is literally nothing.

I never really noticed this before, but my grampa has quite a good sense of humour. He doesn't say much, but when he does, it's usually depressing, or a crack on Indians. But every now and then he will just say something beyond hilarious. He's actually coming with us to the mancave. This is huge! AND he wants to go! It's not like he's been forced into it like he usually it lol.

Anyway that's my christmas update for 2011. Who know's this is supposed to be the last Christmas ever! Since you know, the world is gonna end in 2012. Wellp, better start working on getting a boyfriend and settling down and having kids in the next few months.

$&*#*@%

That feeling you get during finals where you want to throw in the towel, you start considering other career directions for your life, you remind yourself why your still in this. The best thing to do would be to break down and let some of the stress out, or take a moment and just relax yourself completely, but you can't because that would waste precious study time.

.. 5 more days of hell.

100th Blog Post!

GUESS WHAT!!!

This is my 100th blog post in Alphabet Soup!!! To celebrate, I'm going to do an alphabet style list of whats going on in my life right now! HOW CREATIVE IS THAT!

A- Arlis' Volleyball. Honestly, I always thought my parents were doing the same thing that they did to me and Jenna when they thought that we were as cute as can be when were in our severely awkward ugly phase when they were braggin about that boy's ability to play volleyball. But DAMN BRO! Where the hell did all this natural ability come from, and why did I only get a small portion of it?!
B- bombing a midterm. Yes that's right. For the first time, this year I bombed one of my midterms. Actually none of the marks were the ones that I wanted, but I actually failed one :( I'm planning to hit the books super hard tomorow and start studying for this class super early and make sure I have a firm grasp on the material so I can redeem myself!
C- Cat. Basically I just wish I had my old cat here to cuddle with right now, but she's dead. So that won't be happening lol
D- Delicious. Bryna made taco salad for supper tonight. And this bread stuff her mom bought at costco. Haha it was really good - especially since I only had a grill cheese at 10 am this morning!
E- Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. I watched this the other week.. I found it oddly uplifting and it made me feel less lonely.
F- FINALS. Seriously there is only one thing that is on my mind more than finals right now, and that has been described in the previous post. I'm kind of nervous but at the same time I just want them to come and be over with so I can feel the wonderful feeling of non-stress once again.
G- Geography 120. What a pain in the ASS! I should have done my geog lab today, but I layed around and attempted to go swimming instead.
H- High. I got high. Just kidding. But after telling me this amazing long story about his trip on mushrooms, my lab partner was amazed to find out I have not done mushrooms. Or any other drug.
J- Jenna. She will probably never read this so it's probably okay if I get a little mushy right now. Basically I've been having a rough go at life lately, and I don't wanna rain on her parade of just getting a new boyfriend and being all happy and what not, so I try not to dump my problems on her. But I'm soo happy she still takes the time to hear me out from time to time and offer advice. I like getting advice from her because it's basically like my sober-unlove-sick conscience talking to me, and it's the advice that I would give anyone else who was in my position. I should really hug her more, I would be such a mess right now if she wasn't around. Wow I actually teared up writing that. TIME TO MOVE ON!
K- Kiss. So.. in a 5 days, I'm turning 20! And basically the plan here is for Jordan to come up and we can go out somewhere and celebrate my first night of grown up ness. So the plan is to get a birthday kiss! It usually isn't very hard to find a boy at a bar that is willing to kiss you, but I wanna find one that I want to kiss too! I don't do these random kisses very often, but I figure, why the hell not this time? lol
L- I wanna say love, but I'm kind of in a "Fuck love" kind of mood lately. Haha so I will say Lint. ... some clothes have lint on them.
M- Moody! OMG I have never been so uncontrollably moody in my life than I have been this past week. It's like one minute I'm sitting content, then I feel incredibly sad at my circumstances, then I just start smiling because a simple, not overly exciting memory pops into my head, then I get mad because, I mean, why shouldn't I be!? And then I go back to sad, content, sad, mad, content, suuuper happy, .... ect. I hope it ends soon. Really I can usually control emotions pretty easily but not right now... hence the letter J.
N- Noob. Lately I have this strange craving to play modern warfare 3 like everybody else. I'm not a huge fan of Halo or COD or any of those games where you basically act as inhumane as possible towards other people, but I was watching some buddies play it this past weekend and I became addicted! Seems like a good way to relieve my mood problems haha
P- Paige. She needs a friend right now.
Q- awkward letter... hmm... I picked up some q-tips the other day?
R- Religion. It was mostly last year that I was questioning my religion and what I believe, this year (after being away from the black and white, right and wrong ways of my small town) I've become more open to the thought of other ideas and whatnot. And I've settled into something I quite like and that is that I consider myself less religious, and more spiritual. My college (bio) puts up some good arguments for atheism, but I just refuse to believe that all this, everyone, everything that is here has happened by chance. But I also find it kind of nuts that in order to have a happy afterlife, you have to follow a strict set of rules that are hardly applicable in today's modern life. So I'm somewhat agnostic, but I will NEVER be atheist, that just seems like a very depressing road to go down.
S- Snow! We had a really long summer this year and I am SO grateful for that! I would love to live somewhere where you wouldn't even have to own a winter jacket! But that would mean living in the states. And no offense, but no thank you. It got pretty cold today, hence why I skipped class and layed in bed all day :). Severe winds, snow falling, drifts forming. Actually, a teenage girl was khit by a car on central today. I guess it was pretty bad.
T-
U- Unfriend day. Today is National Unfriend Day on facebook.. so guess where I'm headed after I finish this blog! :)
V- Vsauce. Youtube channel that I am addicted to. Go check it out.
W- Workout. Yesterday I was at the gym for 3 HOURS! I worked our for an hour and forty five minutes, then took to the track to cool down for fifteen, then had a volleyball game for another hour. MY ABS ARE DYING RIGHT NOW. Jenna just brought me a banana chocolate chip muffin, and as I was laying on my back blogging with my laptop on my stomach, I had to sit up. This damn near killed me.
X- hmm ... There's an x in my postal code which I just found out today haha
Y- Yoga - today after supper, Jenna decided she was the pro-est yoga doer of the house, and tried to give me and Bryna a quick lesson in Corpse Pose. It was stupid and hilarious.
Z- I'm disapointed in myself for subconsciously reading that as "zee" in my head instead of "zed"

Anyway, that's my 100th post on Alphabet Soup.. I hope you got the pun I intended when I did the whole alphabet thing.. I'm gonna eat this muffin now.
ciao!

Relationship Rant

I have an exam tommorow that I should be studying for. And a geography assignment due for Tuesday.. But my brain just shut down not too long ago.

Ok, so life lately has been extremely roller coaster-y. Mainly because there's a crap load of problems with my love life and everything's screwed up and I can't get my mind off it! I just feel heavy, you know? It's like feeling sick, without the illness, but I want to take some kind of drug or pill that will make me feel better, or try puking because that usually works if you ate something funky, but the only thing that really helps is occupying myself with other stuff. I want to go swimming or play piano or explore campus or hang out with a group of buddies, but at the same time I feel like I have no energy for that stuff. But more than that, I have no one to do it with. I don't know how I feel anymore, I think I'm all good, but then I see him with another girl, or I spend time with him and everything is right back where it was a month ago. I kinda wish he wouldn't have came back in the first place because I was getting back to happy and starting to know what direction my life was going in again, and now that's all up in the air once more. I don't know if I should start seeing other people, or if we're still together? I want to talk it out, but every time I try, something gets in the way. I want to make this decision for myself, but everyone keeps telling me what to do (which means I'm just gonna push against whatever they tell me.. because that's a habit that still hasn't really worn off since my rebellious teenage years haha). So I don't know who I'm making this decision for anymore, myself, my friends/fam or the little rebel inside me that has no idea what's going on but just wants to be independent. I'm totally frustrated right now and I can feel it taking away from my academic and social life. I can't have a conversation with my parents without them bringing him up and asking me what's going on.. and it just reminds me that I have no clue. I used to always look at other peoples situations and think they were so easy, but it's so much harder being on this side of the story. I wish I could read minds and figure out what the hell is going on. That's all I care about at this point, whatever the outcome is, at least I won't feel so confused by it all anymore.