Went out last night. Had too much fun. Drank a lot and was Jory Drunk (a proper term coined by one of my best friends to describe when one is intoxicated to the level where they're happy, think everything is funny and are able to be themselves completely with a complete and total lack of fear). One of the best parts of what happened last night was when Brad showed up. I saw him come in at the door and bolted for my table to sit down so I didn't have to face him. Unfortunately, when I went to the bathroom, Brads group came and sat at a table right beside mine. He approached me to talk and suggested that we hang out in our old friend circle again from high school because he misses us. That was really nice to hear.
The conversation ended, it was really loud in there, and I turned back to my table. Then my neighbor and drinking buddy Matt asked me to dance. So we were dancing and he said that Brads gf saw us talking and was PISSED. Lol I had to laugh a little. I really don't know her so I can't say if she's a good person or not. I knew that it was wrong, but I just got happier after hearing that news. It's stupid and pointless but honestly who can say they don't have a tiny grudge against the person who was next after you to date the one person who totally and completely broke you? So yea. I took a tiny bit of satisfaction to know that she might be the jealous type and Brad might not be totally happy with her. I'll admit it. I don't want him back, but I certainly don't want him to be happier than me. That's something that I'll only ever admit on here. Haha I'm not crazy, I'm human and I think everyone feels this way after going through what I went through with him.
ANYWAYS. The night just kept getting better because as soon as Matt told me that she was pissed, who should have danced up beside us but Brad's gf herself! She wasn't dancing with Brad, some other random guy. The fact that she danced up beside us and was kinda sizing me up wasn't what made me happy, it was that she punched me. Haha PUNCHED ME! Like not in the face, it was the kind of punch where your still dancing with someone and you take the hand thats out front in a two step and hit someone with it while its still grasping your partners hand. Lol me and Matt just kinda laughed in her direction and then gave each other a look and then just bust out laughing when she was absorbed into a different part of the dance floor.
This happened two more times before we left, each time I was dancing with Matt. Jenna also said that she caught her glaring at her a number of times. I tried not to look at either Brad or his girlfriend so I wouldn't know.
I don't really know what else to say in this blog. It's a little weird to express this weird, animalistic kind of joy like this. I try to suppress it usually. You shouldn't feel joy in other peoples pain, but sometimes you can't help it. Anyways, Steven is coming over to buy my old Chem 112 textbooks. THANK GOD I CAN GET THOSE THINGS OUTTA MY LIFE. And he's bringing me a cookie :)
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
How I started 2013
I like to tell myself that I can relate to people, that I can put myself in their shoes and understand where they're coming from. I like to think that if I take into consideration their situation and their past experiences I can figure out why they justify what they do and how they act.
I openly admit that I can't do that anymore with one person: Johnson (yes I know I told you his real name, but I'm still gonna talk in code lol).
I have hardly spoken a word to Johnson since my birthday night when he offered up his body to me as a "birthday present". Let me be clear, it has been well over a month since he's said a thing to me and over two since we've talked about anything of importance between the two of us. We dated for 33 days back in April/June. SEVEN MONTHS AGO. We did not have sex.
On Monday night it was New Years and I was more than excited to be coming back to the city to celebrate the first night of the new year with some of the best friends I have made in university. Johnson was going to be there, but I figured everything that had happened between us was so far in the past that everything was going to be fine. I had already waved the white flag. All I had to do was wait for him to reciprocate. I took his situation into consideration, I had given him what he wanted, let everything blow over. All of our mutual friends were consistently more and more friendly towards me over finals season, including the one friend that refused to say happy birthday to me because he was afraid of upsetting Johnson. I walked into the party with shining confidence that this night would be the start of a year of peace and serenity between me and Johnson that would finally FINALLY end the uneasiness and pure hatred that I felt shooting from his eyes every time he looked at me. I put myself in his shoes many times before and what I would do in his situation is vastly different than what he is currently doing. And it was New Years night when I finally accepted that I have no idea what course of action his mind has planned, I simply cannot relate to it.
Anyway, here's a sequence of events that lead to the first dramatic episode of 2013 (sadly I don't think it's going to be the last either..)
Got to the party. Opened the door and Johnson was right there. He looked at Jenna and greeted her with a giant hug and smile and HAPPY NEW YEAR!. He then proceeded to not look me in the eye as he squeezed past me in the very narrow entry way. I managed to get out a "Hi." as he passed, break the ice a little. He reciprocated "hi" once he was halfway out the door - I never knew there could be so much ice in one word.
Got to the basement where the party was in full swing. It was a smaller gathering but it was mostly all close friends and really, what more do you need? I made my way to the couch area after hugging my buddies as they welcomed me. Immediatly I noticed 3 takeout containers full of spaghetti and meatballs. Each had been partially eaten already, but now were left on the coffee table without supervision. I poured a drink and began socializing/drinking games. I almost forgot that Johnson was there until I heard him loudly complaining to our friends about how he wished he was anywhere but here, threatening to leave. No one really begged him to stay as far as I could hear, but for some reason, he never left. :/
The night continued and I was having a blast. Won Baseball Beer Pong and even got talking to *Frank, the friend who wouldnt talk to me on my birthday. He was actually being ridiculously nice to me and we ended up joking around for quite some time. I ended up on the couch with my buddy Steven (real name! hha) and we were talking about the Walking Dead as I had just caught up on the second and third season over the Christmas break. We were talking about some of the deaths when I said to him "I cried so hard when ____ died" (I'll keep that blank so I don't spoil it for you, but in the real situation I said the full name. From ACROSS THE ROOM I heard this little yelp. I looked over and Johnson, who had apparently been listening in on our convo and who also apparently had not seen the episode where ____ dies, screamed "AS IF YOU JUST SPOILED THAT FOR ME!" or something to that effect in a high pitched, shrill and snarly voice. He stormed up to Jenna and started ranting to her about me.... I didn't even really know what to say. Like I wasn't talking to him, he wasn't invited into the conversation, but yet he found a way to get mad at me.
If you think that's stupid, just wait until you hear this next part. It's borderline comical actually. I was sitting on the couch still there with Steven and Deric*. Deric is one of Johnsons best friends, and also my sisters ex. It's fucked up, but we have no beef with each other so we get along just fine. Deric grabbed one of the takeout boxes off the table which I assumed was his and stabbed a meatball. The plan was to get a video of Deric shoving a whole fist-sized meatball in his mouth. Instead I got a video of Deric biting half of it, laughing and then dropping the fork-meatball apparatus back into the box and getting up and walking away. There was a small crowd that was waiting for this epic moment to happen so I stepped up to the plate and delivered. I took the remaining meatball and shoved it in my mouth. A cheer erupted from the small group and I got several highfives as I struggled to swallow the enormous sphere of meat in my mouth (Take that sentence and run with it. I'm basically setting you up here haha). Someone suggested I wash it down with some of the spaghetti. I stabbed a fork full and went to put it in my mouth. I had the fork up to my mouth ready to deliver the carbs to my tongue when I locked eyes with Johnson who was standing about 3 feet from the other end of the coffee table. He was glaring at me and said "HEY THATS MY SPAGHETTI". I thought he must have his takeout box confused because Deric had just finished eating some of this box, thus it was Derics food. I looked back at my small group of admiring fans (baha) and ate the spaghetti. Another round of high fives. (Drunk people celebrate small accomplishments)
Apparently this was the last straw for Johnson. He threw a FIT. He started screaming at Jenna as if she should chastise me for eating his food. I didn't really notice that anything was wrong for quite a while. I thought he was just talking to her. It wasn't until I tuned into their conversation that I knew it was about me. I couldn't hear what he was saying. He stormed out of the party. I didn't really care. I ate a fucking meatball for christs sake. And that food hadn't been touched since I got to the party, which was a solid 3 hours by that time. Who knows how long it was there before. And Deric was eating it as well. So I wasn't really sure what the big deal was.
I had forgotten about the incident when Jenna came up to me later and said something along the lines of "Jory stop doing anything reguarding Johnson. Don't eat his meatball, don't touch the cup he's drinking from, don't bump into him at all. Just stop everything that has to do with him. You're really pushing his buttons" I was frustrated. I teared up a little. I wasn't trying to fucking start drama again. I was and am so sick of his petty shit. I'm not a dramatic person, if someone does something that pisses me off, I hold it in and let it go. I also felt bad because I sincerely didn't mean to touch a nerve, if I would have consciously known that it was his fucking meatball I wouldn't have went near it.
Anyway, the best part of the Johnson drama happened about half an hour later when I squeezed my empty cup onto the heaping full coffee table and accidentally forced one of the boxes of spag off the table. Luckily, it wasn't Johnsons box of precious spaghetti, but it still broke open on the floor and splatted everywhere. I cursed loudly and bent to clean it up when who should pop outta no where but Johnson. "THATS MY SPAGHETTI!!!" he whined. I looked at him and said "No THAT is your spaghetti." and pointed to the box I had eaten from not even an hour ago that was still sitting in the same spot. He disagreed and pointed at the mess on the floor, "THAT was my spaghetti." he said. And that's when I knew he was just in it to start shit. He didn't even know which box was his, he was just looking for reasons to be mad at me. He sulked for the rest of the night and talked to several people about how I was purposely trying to get under his skin with every little thing I did. I know this because my sister told me. I don't really think he found a legitimate one that night, but I sure found reason enough to be upset with him.
What a shit disturber. I'm so annoyed right now. Jenna had plans to watch Walking Dead with Johnson here at our house sometime this week. Yesterday I asked her to watch it at his house so he doesn't have to come over. I don't want him near me. I can't do anything right when he's around. Every little thing will be ridiculed and picked apart. The verdict of every action that I make will be because I am pure evil trying to sabotage him. I wish he could just see the truth. I don't care any more. I'm simply annoyed. I'm more annoyed of him right now than I have been of anyone in the past 5 years. And I'm only saying 5 years because I can't really remember past that all that clearly. Although I'm annoyed, I have no motives for revenge. I don't wish bad things upon him. I just wish he would stop convicting me of felons that I didn't commit. I just really don't care about him. I've moved on to other guys (I got my own Deric, that was super fun! We friend zoned eachother hahaha!) and I've realized I don't need to be friends with him to stay in my circle of friends. I don't need to be friends with him.
It's one of those moments where I'm so thankful for my gift of foresight. I took the flak for a long time, I held my ground but kept myself from beaking him to our mutual friends, not trying to pull them away from him or towards me, but just acting organically around them. I know he did quite the opposite. But I think my approach is the best one I could have had. I'm happy with my decisions, except for my decision to date him in the first place. haha.
Yikes I have class in 6.5 hours. TTYL. I told this little incident in quite some detail because I can't sleep and all in all the whole deal was really short. and I needed to make it seem longer to entertain myself until I get tired. CURSE YOU LATE NIGHTS AND LATE MORNINGS FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS
Blog soundtrack: Nowhere Left to Go - Joshua Hyslop
I openly admit that I can't do that anymore with one person: Johnson (yes I know I told you his real name, but I'm still gonna talk in code lol).
I have hardly spoken a word to Johnson since my birthday night when he offered up his body to me as a "birthday present". Let me be clear, it has been well over a month since he's said a thing to me and over two since we've talked about anything of importance between the two of us. We dated for 33 days back in April/June. SEVEN MONTHS AGO. We did not have sex.
On Monday night it was New Years and I was more than excited to be coming back to the city to celebrate the first night of the new year with some of the best friends I have made in university. Johnson was going to be there, but I figured everything that had happened between us was so far in the past that everything was going to be fine. I had already waved the white flag. All I had to do was wait for him to reciprocate. I took his situation into consideration, I had given him what he wanted, let everything blow over. All of our mutual friends were consistently more and more friendly towards me over finals season, including the one friend that refused to say happy birthday to me because he was afraid of upsetting Johnson. I walked into the party with shining confidence that this night would be the start of a year of peace and serenity between me and Johnson that would finally FINALLY end the uneasiness and pure hatred that I felt shooting from his eyes every time he looked at me. I put myself in his shoes many times before and what I would do in his situation is vastly different than what he is currently doing. And it was New Years night when I finally accepted that I have no idea what course of action his mind has planned, I simply cannot relate to it.
Anyway, here's a sequence of events that lead to the first dramatic episode of 2013 (sadly I don't think it's going to be the last either..)
Got to the party. Opened the door and Johnson was right there. He looked at Jenna and greeted her with a giant hug and smile and HAPPY NEW YEAR!. He then proceeded to not look me in the eye as he squeezed past me in the very narrow entry way. I managed to get out a "Hi." as he passed, break the ice a little. He reciprocated "hi" once he was halfway out the door - I never knew there could be so much ice in one word.
Got to the basement where the party was in full swing. It was a smaller gathering but it was mostly all close friends and really, what more do you need? I made my way to the couch area after hugging my buddies as they welcomed me. Immediatly I noticed 3 takeout containers full of spaghetti and meatballs. Each had been partially eaten already, but now were left on the coffee table without supervision. I poured a drink and began socializing/drinking games. I almost forgot that Johnson was there until I heard him loudly complaining to our friends about how he wished he was anywhere but here, threatening to leave. No one really begged him to stay as far as I could hear, but for some reason, he never left. :/
The night continued and I was having a blast. Won Baseball Beer Pong and even got talking to *Frank, the friend who wouldnt talk to me on my birthday. He was actually being ridiculously nice to me and we ended up joking around for quite some time. I ended up on the couch with my buddy Steven (real name! hha) and we were talking about the Walking Dead as I had just caught up on the second and third season over the Christmas break. We were talking about some of the deaths when I said to him "I cried so hard when ____ died" (I'll keep that blank so I don't spoil it for you, but in the real situation I said the full name. From ACROSS THE ROOM I heard this little yelp. I looked over and Johnson, who had apparently been listening in on our convo and who also apparently had not seen the episode where ____ dies, screamed "AS IF YOU JUST SPOILED THAT FOR ME!" or something to that effect in a high pitched, shrill and snarly voice. He stormed up to Jenna and started ranting to her about me.... I didn't even really know what to say. Like I wasn't talking to him, he wasn't invited into the conversation, but yet he found a way to get mad at me.
If you think that's stupid, just wait until you hear this next part. It's borderline comical actually. I was sitting on the couch still there with Steven and Deric*. Deric is one of Johnsons best friends, and also my sisters ex. It's fucked up, but we have no beef with each other so we get along just fine. Deric grabbed one of the takeout boxes off the table which I assumed was his and stabbed a meatball. The plan was to get a video of Deric shoving a whole fist-sized meatball in his mouth. Instead I got a video of Deric biting half of it, laughing and then dropping the fork-meatball apparatus back into the box and getting up and walking away. There was a small crowd that was waiting for this epic moment to happen so I stepped up to the plate and delivered. I took the remaining meatball and shoved it in my mouth. A cheer erupted from the small group and I got several highfives as I struggled to swallow the enormous sphere of meat in my mouth (Take that sentence and run with it. I'm basically setting you up here haha). Someone suggested I wash it down with some of the spaghetti. I stabbed a fork full and went to put it in my mouth. I had the fork up to my mouth ready to deliver the carbs to my tongue when I locked eyes with Johnson who was standing about 3 feet from the other end of the coffee table. He was glaring at me and said "HEY THATS MY SPAGHETTI". I thought he must have his takeout box confused because Deric had just finished eating some of this box, thus it was Derics food. I looked back at my small group of admiring fans (baha) and ate the spaghetti. Another round of high fives. (Drunk people celebrate small accomplishments)
Apparently this was the last straw for Johnson. He threw a FIT. He started screaming at Jenna as if she should chastise me for eating his food. I didn't really notice that anything was wrong for quite a while. I thought he was just talking to her. It wasn't until I tuned into their conversation that I knew it was about me. I couldn't hear what he was saying. He stormed out of the party. I didn't really care. I ate a fucking meatball for christs sake. And that food hadn't been touched since I got to the party, which was a solid 3 hours by that time. Who knows how long it was there before. And Deric was eating it as well. So I wasn't really sure what the big deal was.
I had forgotten about the incident when Jenna came up to me later and said something along the lines of "Jory stop doing anything reguarding Johnson. Don't eat his meatball, don't touch the cup he's drinking from, don't bump into him at all. Just stop everything that has to do with him. You're really pushing his buttons" I was frustrated. I teared up a little. I wasn't trying to fucking start drama again. I was and am so sick of his petty shit. I'm not a dramatic person, if someone does something that pisses me off, I hold it in and let it go. I also felt bad because I sincerely didn't mean to touch a nerve, if I would have consciously known that it was his fucking meatball I wouldn't have went near it.
Anyway, the best part of the Johnson drama happened about half an hour later when I squeezed my empty cup onto the heaping full coffee table and accidentally forced one of the boxes of spag off the table. Luckily, it wasn't Johnsons box of precious spaghetti, but it still broke open on the floor and splatted everywhere. I cursed loudly and bent to clean it up when who should pop outta no where but Johnson. "THATS MY SPAGHETTI!!!" he whined. I looked at him and said "No THAT is your spaghetti." and pointed to the box I had eaten from not even an hour ago that was still sitting in the same spot. He disagreed and pointed at the mess on the floor, "THAT was my spaghetti." he said. And that's when I knew he was just in it to start shit. He didn't even know which box was his, he was just looking for reasons to be mad at me. He sulked for the rest of the night and talked to several people about how I was purposely trying to get under his skin with every little thing I did. I know this because my sister told me. I don't really think he found a legitimate one that night, but I sure found reason enough to be upset with him.
What a shit disturber. I'm so annoyed right now. Jenna had plans to watch Walking Dead with Johnson here at our house sometime this week. Yesterday I asked her to watch it at his house so he doesn't have to come over. I don't want him near me. I can't do anything right when he's around. Every little thing will be ridiculed and picked apart. The verdict of every action that I make will be because I am pure evil trying to sabotage him. I wish he could just see the truth. I don't care any more. I'm simply annoyed. I'm more annoyed of him right now than I have been of anyone in the past 5 years. And I'm only saying 5 years because I can't really remember past that all that clearly. Although I'm annoyed, I have no motives for revenge. I don't wish bad things upon him. I just wish he would stop convicting me of felons that I didn't commit. I just really don't care about him. I've moved on to other guys (I got my own Deric, that was super fun! We friend zoned eachother hahaha!) and I've realized I don't need to be friends with him to stay in my circle of friends. I don't need to be friends with him.
It's one of those moments where I'm so thankful for my gift of foresight. I took the flak for a long time, I held my ground but kept myself from beaking him to our mutual friends, not trying to pull them away from him or towards me, but just acting organically around them. I know he did quite the opposite. But I think my approach is the best one I could have had. I'm happy with my decisions, except for my decision to date him in the first place. haha.
Yikes I have class in 6.5 hours. TTYL. I told this little incident in quite some detail because I can't sleep and all in all the whole deal was really short. and I needed to make it seem longer to entertain myself until I get tired. CURSE YOU LATE NIGHTS AND LATE MORNINGS FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS
Blog soundtrack: Nowhere Left to Go - Joshua Hyslop
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