Went out last night. Had too much fun. Drank a lot and was Jory Drunk (a proper term coined by one of my best friends to describe when one is intoxicated to the level where they're happy, think everything is funny and are able to be themselves completely with a complete and total lack of fear). One of the best parts of what happened last night was when Brad showed up. I saw him come in at the door and bolted for my table to sit down so I didn't have to face him. Unfortunately, when I went to the bathroom, Brads group came and sat at a table right beside mine. He approached me to talk and suggested that we hang out in our old friend circle again from high school because he misses us. That was really nice to hear.
The conversation ended, it was really loud in there, and I turned back to my table. Then my neighbor and drinking buddy Matt asked me to dance. So we were dancing and he said that Brads gf saw us talking and was PISSED. Lol I had to laugh a little. I really don't know her so I can't say if she's a good person or not. I knew that it was wrong, but I just got happier after hearing that news. It's stupid and pointless but honestly who can say they don't have a tiny grudge against the person who was next after you to date the one person who totally and completely broke you? So yea. I took a tiny bit of satisfaction to know that she might be the jealous type and Brad might not be totally happy with her. I'll admit it. I don't want him back, but I certainly don't want him to be happier than me. That's something that I'll only ever admit on here. Haha I'm not crazy, I'm human and I think everyone feels this way after going through what I went through with him.
ANYWAYS. The night just kept getting better because as soon as Matt told me that she was pissed, who should have danced up beside us but Brad's gf herself! She wasn't dancing with Brad, some other random guy. The fact that she danced up beside us and was kinda sizing me up wasn't what made me happy, it was that she punched me. Haha PUNCHED ME! Like not in the face, it was the kind of punch where your still dancing with someone and you take the hand thats out front in a two step and hit someone with it while its still grasping your partners hand. Lol me and Matt just kinda laughed in her direction and then gave each other a look and then just bust out laughing when she was absorbed into a different part of the dance floor.
This happened two more times before we left, each time I was dancing with Matt. Jenna also said that she caught her glaring at her a number of times. I tried not to look at either Brad or his girlfriend so I wouldn't know.
I don't really know what else to say in this blog. It's a little weird to express this weird, animalistic kind of joy like this. I try to suppress it usually. You shouldn't feel joy in other peoples pain, but sometimes you can't help it. Anyways, Steven is coming over to buy my old Chem 112 textbooks. THANK GOD I CAN GET THOSE THINGS OUTTA MY LIFE. And he's bringing me a cookie :)
I've heard that elusive range of drunk called "The Kingdom". Everything is just as you described, but be careful not to overshoot!
ReplyDeleteYou talk about taking animalistic pleasure in someone else's suffering, and feeling guilt for it. The animalistic part is your hindbrain, the unconscious, fight-or-flight, eat-sleep-fuck, pack-mentality, survival-of-the-fittest brain. The guilt is your front brain, the conscious, high-level-reasoning, learning, choice-making, self-control brain.
Things can get confusing when the two are in conflict like that! It's like having two different brains in the same head, contributing to the same consciousness, but struggling against each other for more influence! I find it's important to remember that we are hardwired for all that hindbrain stuff, it's a part of who we are and we can't change it or get rid of it (with current technology). It's up to every individual to accept it, come to terms with it, and figure out how it fits into the life he or she wants to lead.