Case Point 1: The Steroid Infused Douchebag
This is the kind of guy who goes to bars and spends half his massive, oil rig paycheck on jager bombs, and the other half on lap dances. And the only thing bigger than this guys inflatable muscles is his ego. Obviously this guy walks around like he's Machamp, but everyone knows that deep down inside his overpriced pants and sock stuffed tighty whiteys, he's just a wee little Machop. He will never live up to expectations, and all that steroid use will have made it impossible for his manhood to evolve.
Case Point 2: The Hipster in Skinny Jeans
On the surface, these skinny white boys come across as harmless Bellsprouts. Although a lot of them would prefer to be Metapods, because no one else ever would. Generally they're as useless as Metapods, so it's fitting in any case. Once you dig a little deeper and realize that they are actually Ditto's, trend followers who are simply changing appearance with whatever is in style at the time.
Case in Point 3: The Beautiful Jock
This boy is walking down the street, he's got all the Jigglypuffs and Ponytas following him around and cooing at his every move. He's got the young Vulpix's attention as well as their cougar mothers, Ninetails. He is a solid 10 on the hottness scale, a real Charizard. He's a And although his rippling six pack and gorgeous white teeth make him the apple of everyone's eye, when he opens a book, the Slowpoke within is revealed. His other beautiful meathead teammates look like Garydos's, Nidokings and Rhyhorns, but if you peel back all their muscle and athletics, they are nothing more than a bunch of Psyducks, Magikarps and Koffings.
Case in Point 4: The Horn Dogs
Lickitung. That's all I really need to say.
Case in Point 5: Pretty Boys
These boys keep their nails manicured, they keep their bushy eyebrows in check, they only wear Hollister and Ambercrombie. These boys come in two sizes, Parisect and Seaking.
Case in Point 6: Nerds
There are two types of nerds that I will cover. The first is Math Nerds. These types of nerds are usually antisocial, pizza faced boys who wet the bed when they dream about talking to a girl. These boys are Porygons or Magnemites. Ever played Pokemon Snap? Those things only ever let you get close to them if you threw food at them! I feel like Math Nerds would be the same way.. only with WOW instead of food. The second kind of nerd is the Always Friendzoned Nerd. These nerds are without question great great grandsons of Mr. Mime. They are cute, friendly, helpful and always there when you need a shoulder to cry on, but somehow they are not boyfriend material. There is something about them that is just too nice about this guy for a girl to cling to in a romantic sort of way.
Case in Point 7: The Freak Boys
These were the guys in high school that started skipping school to experiment with drugs, they always had weird hair cuts and sometimes wore chains or eye liner. These were the kinds of guys that grew up to have weird symbolic tattoos on their faces and possibly the ever gross nose plug piercing. These boys are Eggsecutor, Parisite and Persian. I threw Persian in there because there's always a semi good looking one in that group who has his way with the burnout freak girls, aka the Glooms, Jynx's, and Tangela's
Case in Point 8: The Fat Ones
Dumb, lazy and large. HOWLDIN ALL THUH POKUHMONZ.
You hit the nail on the head with Mr. Mime. But at least Mr. Mime isn't HOWLDIN ALL THUH POKUHMONZ.
ReplyDeleteBoys aren't always like Pokemon, because none of these boys sound like something you'd want to have around. Where's the intelligent, powerful, loyal Pokemon partner that has your back through thick and thin?