Death

Have you ever thought about how you're going to die?

It seems so impossible right now, kind of feels like I'm going to live forever. But I know that's not the case and it seems so strange. But I got thinking about it the other day and I have this feeling that I'm going to die in child birth. Don't ask me how I came up with this conclusion but I just have this gut feeling. I guess I'll wait and see how it all pans out. Maybe I'll die before that in a car accident. For some reason, whenever I'm in a near death situation in a vehicle (and there's been a few times), everything slows down and I feel totally calm, almost blissful. It's creepy to think about now but yes, that's actually what happens. I sit there and watch the events pan out with this calm in me that I can only experience in that moment, and I stare with this ridiculous slight smile on my face. And I never actually weigh the consequences of what could happen, I just always feel like if I hit the ditch or if I get T-boned it will just feel like getting squished between two big pillows and I will be just fine. If I live through a car accident and child birth, maybe I'll die of a freak accident like having a tree fall on me or getting struck by lightening. I wonder if I'll be killed on purpose. Or maybe (more optimistically), I'll die of old age in my own bed, surrounded by my family and closest friends. That would be the way to go I think. It's pretty cliche and by no means heroic, but when people are taken before their time it just makes it harder for everyone that was involved in their life to cope with it. But if I could hope one thing for my death, it would be that me and my sister die at the same time, after my parents and brother die. That way they wouldn't have to deal with losing both of us at the same time and we wouldn't have to deal with losing each other, we could just go together.

Hmm this had been kind of a depressing post but it's what's been on my mind lately. Haha, maybe when I actually do die then they`ll come back to this and be all like
`WHOAH she was dead on!`
(pun intended)

Or maybe I`ll be completely wrong, lets hope so. I kind of want to be there to watch my kids grow up haha