Funny Back

Today it happened!

Been in kind of a rut lately. It usually happens at this time of year when the weather gets bad and whatnot, but I lose my funny. Or I stop thinking things are funny. I doubt myself. I feel like my relations with other people are strained and I hold myself back from saying things, things that I know are funny, because I'm worried that people won't accept them or will judge me.

Today it reversed!

I loved today! Honestly, I love being funny, not joke funny, but funny as in you can take something and just go with it. Unleash my weird imagination on people and let my quirkiness come out. I'm stoked that it's back. I think it was drained right out of me over the course of January when that whole Johnson thing came into play. I was scared to step out of line and set off another emotional landmine and I missed a lot of opportunities.

Today, I'm not sure what it was, but I fell back into myself again. I felt no anger or tension, no frustration or regret, only happiness for the way my life has turned out thus far. I talked openly with my prof in class, my face didn't go red and I wasn't embarrassed by what I had to say. I set a goal in my mind today and I think I'm going to stick to it. I worked out for a solid hour today after class, and on the bus ride home I saw a guy and was able to picture myself flirting with him, kissing him, dating him, OTHER STUFF with him! That hasn't happened since Johnson I think. I mean Deric was gorgeous and courteous and nice (not to mention he came from a very wealthy background - not saying thats a priority, but financial security is always a bonus) but I never got super excited about him the way I did about previous boyfriends. For the past two months I've been blindly walking past all these stellar potential guys without giving one of them a second glance. Now that I'm actually noticing all these interesting prospects around me I feel so charged to get myself back in the game!

I bought groceries and then went for an hour and a half walk with Alyssa, my best friend. We caught up on our spring breaks (which are another story) and I just felt so comfortable with whatever I was saying. I had Alyssa in stitches.

Tonight I got on facebook and immediately two guys pop up to talk to me, both of which I turned on my funny and had very different conversations with each of them, all sarcastic and hypothetical but both hilarious. I feel like I've found my way to communicate with people again.

Words can't even explain.