It is the realization that life is passing you by. One day you will look back on your 20th year and wish you would have done more with it while you were able. Money is not part of the equation, but memories are. What memories have I made this summer? It's like I've just spent the majority of this season wishing I was back in school, and the majority of my school year wishing it was summer and I was back home. Forgetting to take time in everything you do and really embrace it, and enjoy it if possible.
Oh yea, that whole brain infection thing happened today. I've had 80% of the symptoms of meningitis for the past three days. Fever, headaches, photophobia, disorientation, the whole works. I was rushed into the hospital today thinking that I had something serious wrong with my brain, luckily that wasn't the case. However I'm supposed to take it easy and drink lot's of water and go straight back to the hospital if my sickness worsens. My doctor wants to see me again on Monday to make sure that it's really gone for good and that it can't turn into something more serious. Here's hoping it doesn't.
Anyways, now you know what spurred this blog post on. It's my realization that I'm just rushing through life, I look forward to something, and the weeks before it just seem to blur by, then I finally get there and all of a sudden I'm looking into the future again at something else, and I force myself to rush through whatever it is that I've been looking forward to for the past few weeks.
So here's where I slow down, about this time last year I had it right. I had it right last Christmas and for months after. It's time to get it back, today I had the same feeling I had last June when two boys I knew who were younger than me were stabbed and killed. And it just reminded me that life isn't supposed to be taken for granted. I can mope around about what happened in my past, or I can embrace it and make a better future for myself. I don't want to die with regrets. I want to live on the edge again, put my creativity to use, and make people laugh. I really miss making people laugh. So this is my reminder to myself to do so. It's so easy I don't know why I just don't do it all the time.
Anyways, I'll probably take the day off work tomorrow again and rest up, call my Dad, call my grandparents, go for a bike ride, get in the swing of appreciating life again, and taking advantage of it.
A couple weekends ago, my brother and cousins and I got wicked crossfaded. Somehow, se started sharing near death experiences. It turns out we had all had at least one and never really told anyone about it before. We came out of the room feeling very much like you do now.
ReplyDeleteYou've stared death in the face, and considered that you really could die, and this makes you more powerful that you can imagine. "It's only after we've lost anything that we're free to do anything".